Category: Career Advice

Forget for a minute that the phrase ‘strategic patience’ was coined over the US’s political approach to North Korea, and consider the actual concept.

In its basic terms, it means that you do very little to actively influence something in the hope that’s it’s already heading in the right direction, and will get there in its own time. Further, if you actually DO get involved, you will potentially prevent the desired goal.

For example; How many times have we cut off our noses to spite our face in forcing an issue? From trying to get someone to go out with us, to getting a raise / promotion at work, to making a sale, I’m sure we have all tried to force something to a point where we actually sabotaged our efforts. Personally, I’ve done all 3, and it was always a long time afterwards before I could work out what went wrong each time;

Me.

In extreme scenarios, trying to push an issue is very much like an ultimatum, in the milder forms, it’s nagging. Either way, people have a tendency to be obstinate in the face of pressure, and you are not likely to get the results you desire. Unfortunately, this does not just extend over one deal – for example  – as you will be labelled in a negative way from that point forward.

There is only one thing in the world over which you can have control, and that’s your own reaction to something. I say ‘can’ and not ‘do’ because the vast majority of us have pre-programmed reactions to which we invariably default. Someone yells at me, I yell back, someone smiles at me, I yell back.  Wait? 🙂

I’m not going to go all neuro-linguistic programming on you and try to STOP you from doing whatever it is you do, but when these defaults involve you forcing a decision from a client (for example), you will eventually lose the client. As much as you would like to think business decisions are made on cold hard numbers/facts, they are every bit as emotional as choosing your personal relationships.

I understand the pressures of selling, but when the sales technique involves someone coming out of their comfort zone, you can only guide, you cannot push. By all means stay in touch, as estimates suggest that 80% of sales are made from the 5th to the 12th contact point, but those contact point can be anything from forwarding an interesting article, to a quick cup of coffee. You do not have to keep reminding them that a decision has to be made. I can assure you they are very aware of it.

Anyone who has ever met me would probably not list patience as one of my virtues (or humility for that matter), and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I can get out of my own way. But the rewards are significant. When your tendency is to assume the worst when you don’t hear from someone, your written and verbal clues, and even your body language can become increasingly unfriendly. You are falling into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you’re in sales and you do this, the issue is your pipe-line, not indecisive clients, if it’s in your personal life, you should be taking a long hard look at yourself first, that’s the only thing over which you do have any influence.

I’ve heard similar phrases to the blog title my whole life, most of which are part of some sickly sweet – and more than a little trite – life-confirming, motivational poster. The kind that usually have kids hugging, or a kitten, or kids hugging kittens.

For some reason, hearing it again during the movie “Her” made a much deeper impact, probably because the movie itself addresses human emotions in a way that is different to anything I’d ever seen before, but perfectly captures something that I have contemplated at many times in my life; emotions are not tied to reality.

It’s not a spoiler, but the main character falls in love with an operating system. Yes it helps that it’s the voice of Scarlet Johansson (the visual certainly does anyway), but nevertheless, she is an artificial intelligence that achieves a simulacrum of humanity, including emotions, and even attempts a more physical demonstration of her feelings.

The point of this blog is not the movie (which is absolutely stunning), it’s that we do something very similar every day. Not to the same extent clearly, but how many times do we invent intricate stories behind some perceived slight that makes the offending party out to be some kind of jerk?

“How DARE they drive slowly in the overtaking lane, they KNOW I’m behind them and are doing it on purpose!?”

“They didn’t return my call, obviously they don’t respect me.”

“The team did not invite me out to lunch, they are probably talking about me!”

On the other hand, how many times have we confronted the offending party/ies about this just to find that they have no idea what we are talking about, and either have a perfectly reasonable explanation for the assumed slight, or are genuinely sorry to have caused us pain unintentionally?

Yet the pain is still there, isn’t it? And we still judge them harshly, sometimes for a significant time after the event, don’t we?

And some of us never forgive.

It does not matter to us humans whether or not the cause of the emotion (love, fear, hate etc.) is real or not, the brain reacts the EXACT same way. From initial reaction to the stimulus, to the retention of the long term memory, real and unreal are identical. WE create the story of every aspect of our lives, and unfortunately we also tend to defend those stories even in the face of all evidence to the contrary. Some call aspects of this ‘faith’, I call it excuse to stop thinking, regardless of the subject.

Anyone who has fallen in love with you for whom they WANTED you to be is no less hurt than someone you intentionally fooled. The responsibility shifts, but the results are the same; they get hurt.

Add to this that most people will naturally assume the worst, not the best, and you have the recipe for a long line of stressful encounters. For example, when was the last time someone was late for a meeting and you assumed they had just won the lottery? Each of these negative stories we invent just reinforces the previous ones, and before long, we are looking at all situations and people through sh!t-coloured glasses.

People who tend towards the judgemental are constantly comparing others actions to their own, and as a result of those actions failing to meet the required standard, create negative stories about people they barely know. Combine judgment with an unforgiving nature and you have a person surrounded by enemies. All in their own minds.

I have no solution for this, I do it myself constantly, but being AWARE of my tendencies has allowed me to be far more flexible, and that can only be a good thing.

[If you liked this article, please share! Want more like it, subscribe!]

Preposition aside, this is one of those phrases that invoked a flood of thoughts in a direction VERY different from the original context. I heard this one on True Detective, the phenomenal HBO series, when Matthew McConaughey used the phrase to explain his own rather dark abilities. Wayyyyyyy different from anything I could, or would, want to write about, but inspiration is rarely linear.

Also not a new phrase obviously (it’s based on Gabrielle Hamilton’s quote), but one I was hearing for the first time, and it instantly struck a chord with me. My whole life I have tried to put myself into a position where I can negate the …ummm, less-than-optimal things about myself that I cannot seem to change. And if I’m honest, I don’t want to change some of them. We all have these character ‘flaws’, but that’s no reason they should either define us, or get in the way of our careers.

I don’t work on my weaknesses, I avoid them by focusing on my strengths.

The lucky few, the ones who knew from a very early age what they were going to be, will find the subject quote amusing or irrelevant, but for way too many us it hits close to the mark. Can you truly say that you are doing what you had intended all along, and are absolutely doing what you are on this Earth to do? No, neither can I.

A while back I postulated a theory that it’s actually OK not to have a passion in life, a true calling (nurse, fireman, teacher and so on), as long as you enjoy the things you ARE doing. These things are generally what I would call your talents. Skills can be learned, but you will only ever be REALLY good at something you have natural affinity toward. Nine times out of ten you will also enjoy doing the things at which you’re best, and avoid those you don’t do well.

Unfortunately, we rarely have the opportunity at work to completely ignore the things we don’t like, and may even end up being very good at something because a combination of our OTHER talents gives us an advantage.

For example, no-one who’s ever met me would accuse me of being a people-person, but my combined talents for simplification and strategic planning make me a very good consultant. Luckily I actually enjoy consulting, but even if I didn’t, I could very easily end up doing nothing BUT consulting for the rest my life because it provides an excellent living. Would I KEEP doing what I’m doing if I didn’t actually like it?

Probably, and that’s the point of this blog.

Now be honest with yourself, are you a) doing something you really, I mean REALLY enjoy, or are you b) doing something you found yourself fairly good at? If the answer is a), you’re in the second highest group of people in terms of living a good life. The only group slightly better off in my opinion are those making a living from their life-long passion. If the answer was b), and you only find your job tolerable, what makes you good at it? Do you know?

These are pretty much the only options open to you if you have to work, and this has nothing to do with how much/little you earn;

  • Your work is your passion
  • You make a living doing what you enjoy
  • You make a living doing what you’re good at
  • You make a living, don’t hate your job, but don’t enjoy it much either
  • You make a living and hate your job

As a complete guess, I would say that 90% of us are in the last 2, and probably because we assumed early on in our lives that without a passion there’s no point in trying. A total cop-out in my opinion, as doing what you enjoy AND what you are good at, is a VERY close second. This does not even involve a title, or a field of expertise, and you are not looking for a job as a something, you are looking for a job that entails the use of as many of your talents / skills as possible, regardless of what field you end up in.

I ended up in security, not because I have any particular interest in security itself (I don’t), but security just happens to provide the perfect environment for me to fully explore the things at which I excel (relatively :).

Anyone can do this, you just have to know what you’re good at. Like ending sentences on prepositions for example.

By the time you reach your 40’s, there’s a very good chance that you have lost a job or two (or four, [cough]), either by redundancy, pressure to quit, or being out-and-out fired.

If it happens once, you can chalk it up to being one of those things. If it happens again for the same reason, then you really need to start taking note. A third time, and you are clearly in a pattern of your own making. Yes, your making, and it does not matter for what reason you lost your job.

This does not necessarily mean that you are a bad person, or a screw-up, and perhaps you were actually in the right when you were ‘let go’, but the fact remains that you are the one out of a job. Unfortunately most of us keep going back to the same pattern, and I can assure you, you will eventually run out of decent options.

Hopefully if you find yourself in the above scenario, you are now prepared for a little self reflection. WHY do you keep imploding at work? What is it that YOU keep doing that makes your unique talents and skills so easily replaceable? There are basically two negative extremes here:

  1. You are completely deluded as to what your strengths / talents actually are; and
    o
  2. You are actually a jerk.

If you’re a nice person in a position to do what you do best every day, would you really have been ‘laid off’ from an organisation that’s still in business?

The issue is that most of us are not always nice, and for more reasons that anyone would ever care to know about, we are probably also not doing what we love to do. Quite frankly, most of us are not even doing the things we’re good at, let alone love. For every kid who knows at the age of six that they want to be a doctor, there’s a hundred kids with no clue.  That cluelessness can last a lifetime, but life goes on and you have to do something.

What happens to most of us is that we bounce from one thing to the next, and by more luck than judgement, we find something tolerable. But instead of using the steady income as a springboard to what’s next, we hold out for the perfect job, the perfect title, or a passion. The perfect role does not exist, not if it comes with a title. No job description I’ve ever seen is based on my skill-set or talents, it’s based on what the company I work for thinks they need.

Fair enough you might say, they’re the one’s paying you a wage, but it’s completely self defeating in my opinion. It puts us in a position where we have to balance the good with the bad, which can only ever be frustrating to the point where we start to focus on the bad. Once on this downward spiral it is very difficult to stop, and we may find ourselves in a position where our job is at risk. Whether we know it at the time or not.

We have always had a choice, this scenario has always been of OUR making, but hindsight is not going to help here unless it’s in the form of self reflection, and lessons learned. So what DO we do now? Leave for another company before we get fired and start the same pattern all over again? Start your own business because we’re basically unemployable?

Or, are you going to do what you should have done years ago?; take a long hard look at yourself. Wherever you are in your career, you MUST ask yourself every day whether or not you are doing something sustainable. If you are going home exhausted from frustration each night, or are constantly complaining about something, there’s a very good chance you are in the wrong place and will wind up having to make a difficult decision.

Or that decision is made for you.

Forget the company you work for (unless you hate their ethics / values), and forget your title (it’s limiting), are you mostly doing what you are best at and maybe even enjoy? If the answer is yes, then by all means defend your job if threatened, if the answer is no, you should probably see it as a wake-up call.

[If you liked this article, please share! Want more like it, subscribe!]

I’ve been out on my own for 5 whole months, and I think that gives me the right to tell everyone to start their own business? Well, yes, actually I do, but probably not for the reason you think. I’m also not suggesting it be your sole source of income, though that does lend a certain urgency to it.

To massively oversimplify it; there’s no way you can lose.

Not everyone will be a Steve Jobs (well, eventually …death and taxes and all that), or a Richard Branson, but in the end there are only two outcomes:

  1. Your business is successful enough that you can continue to pursue that course and support your family, or;
  2. Your business fails and you go back to a regular job.

Wait – I assume you’re saying – the second option sounds like the very definition of loss! However, I have had a lot of time over the last few months to consider what would happen if my own business failed and I had to start looking for a day job. Clearly I would be unhappy, and I don’t know of any entrepreneur who doesn’t hope that their start-up becomes the next Google, but seeing as my aspirations are more mundane, I can actually see the many benefits:

First – You sacked-up and did it – For years I have thought I wanted to be out on my own, but didn’t have the nads to make it happen. I am out on my own now because a) I was made ‘redundant’, b) the 9 – 5 options at my level were very sparse, c) I had enough saved that I could give it a go, and, most importantly, d) a wife who does nothing but support my every move. Even the bad ones. You start your own business and your confidence levels shoot through the roof;

Second – You get to find out if being an entrepreneur is actually right for you – It’s VERY easy – for example – to criticise your bosses all the way up to the board of directors about what you see clearly as mistakes they’re making. Now it’s your problem, your mistakes, and potentially YOU who is now the one screwing up your employees’ lives. That’s OK though – not screwing up peoples’ lives of course – because if you do end up going back to a 9 – 5, you’ll have a better understanding of the pressures, and may be able to communicate your solutions in a language they’ll understand;

Third – It’s easy – Of course, I know that NOW, but before I knew how it was done it looks very intimidating. You have to have an idea in the first place, hopefully an existing pipeline, then you fill out forms for Companies House, HMRC, bank accounts, web designs, marketing and the whole gamut. But, and here’s the kicker, there are literally hundreds of people you can ask, and who love to help. My own journey has been ugly, but fascinating, and now that I know what to do, any idea can become a new business, whether I’m running it, or helping someone else;

Fourth – You become far more aware of other business ideas – Whether or not your current venture succeeds, by going through the process you adopt the entrepreneurial mind-set whether you mean to or not. Ever notice how, when you’re considering buying a certain type of car, that you suddenly see them everywhere? Business ideas are the same when you’ve had one of your own (business, not car);

Fifth – You’ll be more content. If your business succeeds, you’ll never be happier, but if it fails, you’ll at least know that when you’re back in your 9 – 5 that starting your own business is not for you, and be more content where you are. Maybe you’ll work for a few years to save the capital for your next business, or maybe you’ll succeed beyond all previous expectations in your 9 -5, either way, you’ll have what too few people out there attain in the Information Age; Self awareness.

Try being content or successful at anything without it.

[If you liked this article, please share! Want more like it, subscribe!]