After giving the title question a little thought, you probably fall into one of three camps:
- You were immediately able to choose which one you preferred based on your own interpretation of the two emotions, or;
- You were confused because you can’t separate one from the other, or;
- You immediately chose one because you think it leads to the other
There are no wrong answers here, this is way too personal an issue, but I have been pondering the difference between the two for a while now, and in light of one fact; I have be happy more times than I can count, but have been content only once.
I’m lucky, I’m genetically predisposed to being happy (see Can Happiness be Genetic?). Not all the time obviously – just ask anyone who’s ever worked for me – and quite frankly, I’m glad. No offence if you’re one of them, but people who are always happy are irritating, especially the ones who are clearly faking. I’m happy when my wife makes pancakes, or her queso sauce, so a good day is never far away!
But contentment, that’s something completely different, and I can remember the one time I was content in great detail. I won’t bore you with full detail, but I was driving down the DC Beltway, alone, and this strange feeling came over me. At first I was a little nervous and almost pulled over, but then I realised what it was and managed to revel in it for about 10 seconds before it went away.
That was 20 years ago.
The only reason I share that is because I could not help but think that being content is the ultimate feeling, and thought how great it would be if everyone felt that way all the time. But then it occurred to me that there is one other human trait that will probably never allow for permanent contentment in any but a select few; curiosity. Not just basic curiosity, like; Who won the World Cup in 2010? But the deep down human curiosity that has driven our species to create, to explore, and to question our very existence.
I now feel that to be content, you must either have no curiosity (or are basically just lazy and unimaginative), or be in a position that you are doing every day the things at which you excel, and enjoy. The reason so few of us ever ARE content is that we have settled for a life focused on the wrong things, and have allowed the human habit of compartmentalising to pigeon hole us into mediocre lives with neither contentment at the end, nor as much happiness as we deserve on the way.
Example 1; I don’t work hard for money, I work hard so that I don’t need more money to take financial worries off the table. Money itself should never be the goal.
Example 2; I care nothing for titles, and my self-worth is not driven by having any form of power over others, but I have seen people stay in jobs they hate because they got a fancy title and hollow respect. Not more money, or even more responsibility, just the title.
The only way I will ever be content again is if I have the freedom to do every day what I do best. I know I’m good at simplifying things, as well as making things that are inefficient, efficient. I also know that I’m absolutely crap at being diplomatic in the face of ignorance, and my impatience with office politics has led me to starting my own business out of necessity, not choice. It is therefore my responsibility to myself to create the environment best suited for me, and it’s clear that that will never happen following someone else’s dream, or worse, their greed.
In hindsight, I have never taken a backward step in my personal life or career, because I was always very much aware that wherever I ended up, I would use whatever skills I have to their maximum effect, and just as importantly, downplay or avoid the things I will never do well. Some say that’s happiness, and perhaps they’re right, but I think that doing the things that make you happy more than the things you don’t, IS contentment. Of a fashion anyway.
Curiosity, ambition, and a whole host of other attributes that we humans have, all seem to be the very antithesis of contentment, but I disagree, it’s focusing those attributes in the wrong direction(s) that’s the problem. You owe it to yourself, and yes, to those who care about you, to find contentment in whatever form that takes for you.
Finally, I think that every bit of happiness I feel means I’m doing something right, so while contentment is probably a far off place, I at least know I’m on the right path.
PS – For the curious, the answer is Spain.