Tag: Self-Worth

Unless by some ridiculous twist of fate you’re Novak Djokovic, Lionel Messi, or Steven Hawking (and their like) reading this, you are not the best at anything. Perhaps like me, even if you had spent your entire life practicing one thing you still would not have been the best.

Nor do you have to be.

World-class talent is exceptionally rare, but we humans have the unfortunate habit of holding ourselves up for comparison to these unique few. How could we possibly come up anything other than short?

A single skill or talent (see Choice: Love What You Do, Or Love Doing What You’re Good At?), properly developed, can take you far …IF you’re very good. But it’s the combination of your skills and talents that will enable you to excel at a far greater array of your life choices.

No-one, I mean NO-ONE can be you better than you can.

The challenge is; Who ARE you? What are your skills, your talents, your likes, dislikes, even aspirations? A disturbingly large portion of us spend our whole lives without answers to these questions, and we die never having achieved a fraction of our potential. Not someone else’s opinion of our potential, but our own sense of happiness and self-worth. Our feeling of achievement for a life that made a positive difference. At least to someone.

We have all come across people we simply can’t believe haven’t been fired yet, and we have all met people we are amazed are not doing significantly better. In my mind they have both committed the same ‘crime’; they have failed to understand themselves. These examples came from different angles, but the results are the same; neither is doing what they should or could be doing with their lives.

While I absolutely believe you must leave this life with regrets (A Life Without Regrets is a Life Without Mistakes) doing a poor job or never doing a great job should not be among them. Others can help – and usually love to do so – but only you can choose the right path.

There is a good chance I can beat Djokovic at darts (and perhaps several other non-athletic endeavours), and I likely know a lot more about payments security than Hawking. We all make our OWN choices in life, I am where I am because of mine, so why should I ever compare myself to them? Or to anyone else for that matter.

No, I have no-where near their money or their fame, but if I was to measure my life by those standards I have a lot more issues to address first. I am very good at what I do, but equally important, I know when I’m out of my depth. Like most people, I will never know EVERYTHING I’m good at, but I am self-aware enough to know when I should keep something going, or let it go entirely.

I have no problem being fired for being too opinionated, I would very much object to being fired for incompetence, but they are both very much my responsibility.

With self-awareness comes true personal accountability, only then can the regrets you have be the kind you want.

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The following phrase occurred to me after conversations I had with two ex-colleagues. Both of whom also now happen to be very good friends;

“You don’t know what you don’t know, so how can you ever be sure you know enough?”

Both find themselves in a similar position; both have progressed in their careers at their respective organisations, and both have very recently received a significant bump in responsibility and work-load. Neither has EVER received the recognition they deserve, but both have dramatically improved things for their departments after taking over. They also replaced people on much higher salaries.

It’s very easy for me to rail on the senior management at those organisations about how they must show appreciation for their star performers. In both monetary terms, and the respect they have earned. But the fact remains that neither of these talented guys know their true worth.

Yes, their senior management are idiots, they probably always have been, but if my friends had been paying attention they would be in a better position to negotiate. If they had been laying the right groundwork over the course of their careers, no promotion would have been offered without the corresponding upward review of their compensation packages.

And the thing is, I know exactly how they feel. After 12+ at my last ‘corporate gig’ it was not until the last few years that I started to get it right. It took a further year after my departure for me to finally know my worth. The true value of my skill-set.

I also know exactly why it took this long; fear.

When I started a new career in my 30’s, I could not have known less about my chosen field of cybersecurity. My first two weeks as a Firewall Administrator consisted of my learning what a firewall was and faking my way to a couple of credentials. Over the next 5 years I worked my up to managing the department, which was then all taken away during a company merger. For the next 7 years I worked my way up from a brand new consultant to Director of 28 consultants across 14 time zones.

Yes, my compensation increased, but I very much doubt it was in-line with my market value. Why? Because I always doubted that I had learned enough in my career to have proven my value, to be worth more than my management were offering. Also, having spent so long at one place, my blind loyalty got in the way. I assumed I would be taken care of if gave it my all.

I could have gone on for years this same way, luckily the final decision was made for me. When I look back, I can see years of wasted time and misplaced loyalty, but if I’m really honest with myself, it was my own fear and laziness that really held me back. All I had to do was look around, have some conversations, and above all; stop being such a wuss.

I know it’s not as simple as I’m making out to be, we all have responsibilities (family, mortgage and so on…) but in the end, YOU are the one that sets your value, and if you’re not getting your due, YOU are the only one to blame. I had no choice in working this out, I was “laid-off”, but one of the most amazing upsides of a bad situation is that I’ll never be afraid again.

I know my worth, do you know yours?

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