Just chatting with my wife the other day about mentoring, and she raised a very interesting, and valid, point. A coach and a mentor are two very different things, though often used interchangeably. This led to the thought that in the course of our careers, we may ask for (or settle for), and get, the wrong one. Or just as bad, the right one at the wrong TIME!

As I think she described it – bearing in mind she’s a lot smarter than me -, a coach is someone who teaches you to get better at the thing in which they are expert, but a mentor is someone who helps you get better at whatever YOU want to be better at doing. Even if the mentor is not an expert in it themselves. Another way of putting it, is that a mentor helps you think in different ways, understand things of which you have no prior experience, and guide you in scenarios through which you have yet to live yourself.

So which one do we need? Quite simply, both. The trick is to know when you need them, and you will never be able to do that if you don’t know what you want. Or just as importantly; what you are good at. I have posited several times (like in Loyalty vs. Personal Values, and Never Follow the Money), that unless you are ‘honestly introspective’, you will always have challenges that could so easily have been avoided.

Neither a coach, nor a mentor, nor anyone for that matter can help you if you don’t know what it is that YOU want. And if what you want is not realistic, you are basically wasting your time. I’m not saying don’t push yourself, but wanting to be a supermodel or astronaut is only OK for a tiny percent of the population. No offence, but if you’re reading this it’s unlikely you’re one of them.

Word of warning: There is a fine line between a true mentor and someone who wants you to become like them, don’t cross it. Emulation is OK in very few circumstances, and unless your actions stem from YOU as the foundation, they will come across as fake. No mentor will be perfect, they will have an ego, and be easily flattered by your request for help. This can lead them to advise you in ways that are simply not within you to emulate.

From my perspective, I will ask for a coach when there is something I really want to be able to do, and just can’t get my head around. But this will be very specific, and I will control the outcome. As for a mentor, I now have several people in my life who have already done things I am trying to do, and while the relationships are not ‘formal’ in terms of mentor / mentee, I love listening, and they love talking! 🙂

There is absolutely no stigma attached to asking for help of ANY sort, and those who don’t ask, will never achieve as much as those who do. Don’t be a pest, but don’t sit on your arse either.

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