Forget for a minute that the phrase ‘strategic patience’ was coined over the US’s political approach to North Korea, and consider the actual concept.

In its basic terms, it means that you do very little to actively influence something in the hope that’s it’s already heading in the right direction, and will get there in its own time. Further, if you actually DO get involved, you will potentially prevent the desired goal.

For example; How many times have we cut off our noses to spite our face in forcing an issue? From trying to get someone to go out with us, to getting a raise / promotion at work, to making a sale, I’m sure we have all tried to force something to a point where we actually sabotaged our efforts. Personally, I’ve done all 3, and it was always a long time afterwards before I could work out what went wrong each time;

Me.

In extreme scenarios, trying to push an issue is very much like an ultimatum, in the milder forms, it’s nagging. Either way, people have a tendency to be obstinate in the face of pressure, and you are not likely to get the results you desire. Unfortunately, this does not just extend over one deal – for example  – as you will be labelled in a negative way from that point forward.

There is only one thing in the world over which you can have control, and that’s your own reaction to something. I say ‘can’ and not ‘do’ because the vast majority of us have pre-programmed reactions to which we invariably default. Someone yells at me, I yell back, someone smiles at me, I yell back.  Wait? 🙂

I’m not going to go all neuro-linguistic programming on you and try to STOP you from doing whatever it is you do, but when these defaults involve you forcing a decision from a client (for example), you will eventually lose the client. As much as you would like to think business decisions are made on cold hard numbers/facts, they are every bit as emotional as choosing your personal relationships.

I understand the pressures of selling, but when the sales technique involves someone coming out of their comfort zone, you can only guide, you cannot push. By all means stay in touch, as estimates suggest that 80% of sales are made from the 5th to the 12th contact point, but those contact point can be anything from forwarding an interesting article, to a quick cup of coffee. You do not have to keep reminding them that a decision has to be made. I can assure you they are very aware of it.

Anyone who has ever met me would probably not list patience as one of my virtues (or humility for that matter), and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I can get out of my own way. But the rewards are significant. When your tendency is to assume the worst when you don’t hear from someone, your written and verbal clues, and even your body language can become increasingly unfriendly. You are falling into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you’re in sales and you do this, the issue is your pipe-line, not indecisive clients, if it’s in your personal life, you should be taking a long hard look at yourself first, that’s the only thing over which you do have any influence.